Monday, March 19, 2012

All Alone

As next fall quickly approaches, so does my last year as a stay at home Mom. It is sad for me to say that for so many reasons.

First of all, our babies are growing up. I still miss Addison every day while she is away in school. I miss Alivia, too, but I have yet to adjust to Addison being away. The thought of Asher going to preschool in the fall makes me all teary eyed. But, it is reality, my babies are growing up. I guess that means I better, too.

So, what will I do?

Who knows?! I have my guesses, considerations, etc, but I am really not sure. I am thinking I will start off slow, going back part time as a nurse, perhaps, and gaining back my real nursing skills. I have not a lost of those real skills working as a psych nurse (IVs, etc). I also would like to get back into working with kids. I need to be available for the kids when they are sick and in the summer months, so perhaps I will slip back into my PRN (as needed) status during the summer months. I struggle with the nursing thing as I know that means I will miss most weekends and Holidays, work in drama filled environments (mostly the staff), and getting a day off is next to impossible. Really? I am not sure I am up for that anymore.

The other option is to get back into pharmaceuticals. This industry is really difficult to get into. I did have a successful working record prior to leaving my last job, so that may help. With that said, I have been out of the industry for 5 years. That will not help. The perks with this job were awesome. But, I would have to find care for the kids in the summer. The before and after school times would work as I could take the kids and Chris could pick them up. I would hate to miss out on the summers with them. I also had to travel a lot, which I hated (I love being at home with the family). Ugh...who knows what I will do.

Chris does not care what I do if I do anything. The idea of the chaos scares both of us. It is so nice to have our life as it is now. Chris does not have to worry about sick kids, doctors appointments, the laundry being done, the house being cleaned, the kids being care for - because I do that. If working, it would be up to both of us to get it done. Okay, reality check, it would probably still be up to me. But, I have told him things will be different if and when I return to work. I will be getting a cleaning person. That I will refuse to do on the weekends or on my days off (this is mostly if I am in pharma because if a nurse I could do this while the kids are in school).

Whatever happens, we will make it work. For the time being, I am leaning more towards the nursing thing, at least at first. The kids are only small once, and we can never get that time back with them. I would hate to miss any of it because I am at work, especially when I know I don't have to be financially. Whatever line of work I chose, I do not want to miss music programs because I have to work, or not be able to pick up my kids when they are sick at school, volunteer or eat lunch with them. I want to do those things while they still want me to. It will not be long, as I know how time flies, that our kids will think we are annoying. I am hoping that day will never come, but I know it will. Until then, I have to soak up all the time with them that I can, while they still believe that I am amazing.

The decision on what I will do once the kids are all in school is still uncertain. I have a year and a half to figure that out, too. No hurry...

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