It is no secret that I have a desire to have one more baby & have a bad case of baby fever. Chris and I, however, are not on the same page. He thinks our home is full and our family is complete. So, what is a mommy to do? I have to move on in spite of my desires, right? Why is it everywhere I go, I see pregnant woman. Many of the people I know are pregnant, just had a newborn, or are trying to conceive.
Why do I want another baby? I am not sure exactly, I just know I want one. We had our children really close together. We went from having babies to having them all big almost overnight. It makes me sad that our babies are growing up. Not that having another baby would change that at all, however. I just love being a Mom and would like to be a mommy to one more. My Grandma Vera (who passed away on Asher's 1st birthday) said we would have 4 kids and for some reason I can not let that go. Chris does not want to have any more children because our home is chaotic enough for his liking. He is the sole provider of 3 kids and a wife, and I am sure that can be overwhelming. The financial difference of adding one more child (whether from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, or 3 to 4) is large. That, too, can be overwhelming when planning our future. Who wants to be in our 40's when your kids goes to kindergarten?
While listening to Dr. Laura yesterday (I listen to and from preschool at pick up time. She is on 1290 AM here from 11-2 I think), she was talking about a caller who wanted another baby and her husband did not want anymore children. I felt like she was talking to me! She was telling me to stop being sad about what I don't have and be happy about the blessings I do have. It is all about my perspective.
So, in the mean time, I need to stay clear from those who are trying to conceive, pregnant, or have a newborn. Just puts salt in my fresh wound. Yes, for once, I am being selfish. I have to get myself to stop shedding tears of sadness and start shedding tears of joy for what I do have...3 beautiful children that I get to watch grow before my eyes, even if they are growing up too fast.
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