Monday, January 09, 2012

Just Sitting Here

I am a stay at home mom. What does that mean exactly? Clearly, I need to really point this out.

First, I started with Google, where else?
The MacMillan Dictionary states a Stay at home mom/dad is:
"A parent who stays at home to look after their children instead of working outside the home."

The highly accredited (ha) Urban Dictionary states that a stay at home mom is:

"A mother that stays at her home during the day. Unemployed, usually with the husband supporting the family.
The main reason for being a stay-at-home mom is to raise children better.
see also: soccer mom."
The same Urban Dictionary  had many other entries that I believe is more of the common belief of working moms/parents. I say this as an occasional working stay at home mom who has worked both sides, working full time with kiddos in daycare to quitting a nearly 6 figure job so I can raise our kids myself. Now I work on call as a nurse, believing some day my valued education may come in handy when I return to work, either as a nurse or back in pharmaceuticals.

This is one example of what someone believes how a stay at home mom should be defined,
"An unemployed woman who probably went to college (for no reason). She takes care of her house and the kids (who've probably never met their dad ) and thinks her job is one of the toughest ones in the world, because in her world, women don't work outside of the home. She thinks her children are precious angels who deserve only the best from the world." 
Everyone should believe their kids are precious angels!!
Why am I pointing this out, you may ask? Well, as a stay at home mom, I feel the need to defend myself occasionally. One, I am highly educated with my BS in Nursing and a MBA. I selected my role as a mommy, then decided I did not want my kids raised in daycare. I felt I was missing all the important milestones and moments. Kids are only small once. I can work later, I thought. I understand that not everyone wants to or can be a stay at home mom. I can do both (work and stay home) but I sucked at being a working mom. I was stressed out, felt I had to do laundry and clean the house on weekends, and did not feel I was getting the valuable time I wanted and my kids needed. So, we planned and I quit. 
I have been asked a couple times by working friends to be their fill in daycare. Last year I watched a friends little girl while her Grandma was a away. It went well, her mommy is a close friend, and the little girl was adorable and well mannered. But, I am not a daycare and I was just doing it as a favor to my friend.

I was put on the spot by an acquittance to watch her son a few times over the next couple months. Although I did not want to do it, I felt pressured. And, I can sometimes be nice and not know how to say no. I have not really ever met her son. Asher has not, either, but they are the same age and will be going to preschool together next year. So, I said I would do it. Today was to be his first day. So, I got up, worked out, showered, got the girls ready, woke and dressed Asher. Asher does not have to get out of bed and get dressed early in the morning. That is the joy of having Mommy at home. I raced to get ready for this boy's arrival before 8 sometime (his Mommy never confirmed a time and ignored my emails when I asked her about his likes/dislikes, a little about his routine, etc). Anyway, I opened my iPad to an email stating she found someone else for today. Someone free.


Thanks for the notice. I went to the store last night to ensure an array of lunch options, not to mention my crazy morning. I sent an email back stating, but I am not quoting, please respect my time and CALL ME and let me know when you are not coming as soon as you know explaining the chaos in preparing for him to come this morning. Seriously, how rude!! I believe, she is not happy that I am charging her $30 a day, which is not enough in my opinion. I can make that in over an hour if I wanted to work. But, I don't, I want to enjoy this last year and a half of being home with my son, alone. Play dates are fun for him, and I have no problem helping out friends (friends are the ones you know well and have met their kids). But, I  believe she thinks that I am just hanging around with my husbands money, and I have nothing better to do than watch her kid, watch her kid for free.

So, if you know a stay at home mom, she is at home, yes. But, be respectful of their time. Be considerate. Be kind. And, maybe, in return, we can help you out someday. But, our job is not to watch YOUR kids, it is to take care of our kids, our home, and our marriage. Whether you think that is dumb or not, that is my choice. If you need daycare, seek one out already.

Okay, BIG JUMP down from the soapbox. See, I am not just sitting here. Sigh....

...for more stay at home mommy blogging, see THIS.  

Oh, and lesson learned. Next time this comes up, I will just nicely pass. 

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