Showing posts with label stay at home mom stereotypes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stay at home mom stereotypes. Show all posts

Monday, January 09, 2012

Just Sitting Here

I am a stay at home mom. What does that mean exactly? Clearly, I need to really point this out.

First, I started with Google, where else?
The MacMillan Dictionary states a Stay at home mom/dad is:
"A parent who stays at home to look after their children instead of working outside the home."

The highly accredited (ha) Urban Dictionary states that a stay at home mom is:

"A mother that stays at her home during the day. Unemployed, usually with the husband supporting the family.
The main reason for being a stay-at-home mom is to raise children better.
see also: soccer mom."
The same Urban Dictionary  had many other entries that I believe is more of the common belief of working moms/parents. I say this as an occasional working stay at home mom who has worked both sides, working full time with kiddos in daycare to quitting a nearly 6 figure job so I can raise our kids myself. Now I work on call as a nurse, believing some day my valued education may come in handy when I return to work, either as a nurse or back in pharmaceuticals.

This is one example of what someone believes how a stay at home mom should be defined,
"An unemployed woman who probably went to college (for no reason). She takes care of her house and the kids (who've probably never met their dad ) and thinks her job is one of the toughest ones in the world, because in her world, women don't work outside of the home. She thinks her children are precious angels who deserve only the best from the world." 
Everyone should believe their kids are precious angels!!
Why am I pointing this out, you may ask? Well, as a stay at home mom, I feel the need to defend myself occasionally. One, I am highly educated with my BS in Nursing and a MBA. I selected my role as a mommy, then decided I did not want my kids raised in daycare. I felt I was missing all the important milestones and moments. Kids are only small once. I can work later, I thought. I understand that not everyone wants to or can be a stay at home mom. I can do both (work and stay home) but I sucked at being a working mom. I was stressed out, felt I had to do laundry and clean the house on weekends, and did not feel I was getting the valuable time I wanted and my kids needed. So, we planned and I quit. 
I have been asked a couple times by working friends to be their fill in daycare. Last year I watched a friends little girl while her Grandma was a away. It went well, her mommy is a close friend, and the little girl was adorable and well mannered. But, I am not a daycare and I was just doing it as a favor to my friend.

I was put on the spot by an acquittance to watch her son a few times over the next couple months. Although I did not want to do it, I felt pressured. And, I can sometimes be nice and not know how to say no. I have not really ever met her son. Asher has not, either, but they are the same age and will be going to preschool together next year. So, I said I would do it. Today was to be his first day. So, I got up, worked out, showered, got the girls ready, woke and dressed Asher. Asher does not have to get out of bed and get dressed early in the morning. That is the joy of having Mommy at home. I raced to get ready for this boy's arrival before 8 sometime (his Mommy never confirmed a time and ignored my emails when I asked her about his likes/dislikes, a little about his routine, etc). Anyway, I opened my iPad to an email stating she found someone else for today. Someone free.

Nice.

Thanks for the notice. I went to the store last night to ensure an array of lunch options, not to mention my crazy morning. I sent an email back stating, but I am not quoting, please respect my time and CALL ME and let me know when you are not coming as soon as you know explaining the chaos in preparing for him to come this morning. Seriously, how rude!! I believe, she is not happy that I am charging her $30 a day, which is not enough in my opinion. I can make that in over an hour if I wanted to work. But, I don't, I want to enjoy this last year and a half of being home with my son, alone. Play dates are fun for him, and I have no problem helping out friends (friends are the ones you know well and have met their kids). But, I  believe she thinks that I am just hanging around with my husbands money, and I have nothing better to do than watch her kid, watch her kid for free.

So, if you know a stay at home mom, she is at home, yes. But, be respectful of their time. Be considerate. Be kind. And, maybe, in return, we can help you out someday. But, our job is not to watch YOUR kids, it is to take care of our kids, our home, and our marriage. Whether you think that is dumb or not, that is my choice. If you need daycare, seek one out already.

Okay, BIG JUMP down from the soapbox. See, I am not just sitting here. Sigh....

...for more stay at home mommy blogging, see THIS.  

Oh, and lesson learned. Next time this comes up, I will just nicely pass. 


Monday, March 21, 2011

SAHM Life of Bliss

Just "Hangin Around" all day long
Most people looking at me think I have the life...the life of bliss.

I don't have to get up every day and go to work. I don't have a boss to report to. I don't have people talking bad about me or unhappy customers. I am a stay at home mom (SAHM) and have a life of bliss.

I love staying home, don't get me wrong. We did not decide to have babies so that daycare, grandparents or other complete strangers could take care of them all day. I wanted to raise our kids myself. So, I saved money, stopped buying $300 handbags, having pedicures, spending $$$ on getting my hair done, put a huge limit on eating out, cut out cable TV, don't have a silly smart phone (and I think I am smarter for not having a smart phone by the way), and my closet has seen better days just to name a few things. I do not get to stay home because we have so much money it is streaming out of my Gucci Handbag. I stay at home because Chris and I decided it was what was best for our kids, and we worked and continue to work to make it happen. But, I do not see any of that as a sacrifice.

Chris gave me joy by helping me find a way for me to stay home. Okay, I may be a penny pincher, but I want to continue to stay at home. You know, so I can sit around and do absolutely nothing all day and enjoy a life of bliss.

I know, that is what every one thinks I do all day. Absolutely nothing.

As much as some days I wish that were true, it simply is not.

I am the Mommy of 3 kiddos, the playmate, the Austin Household merry maid, the Austin household laundromat, the Austin kiddos tutor, the Austin accountant, the social calender manager, the pastry chef and household chef (I'm not sure I would call my cooking chef like however), the personal teacher, car pooler, the adventure taker taking the kids here, there and everywhere, Catholic instructor, exercise Nazi (gotta keep the kiddos active), and, last, but not least, the poop picker upper. Oh, and unlike people who have "real" jobs, I do all of these things because I love to, not because I get paid to, unless you count my payment in kisses.

And, to top it off, I do go off to try to save lives a few times a month at a hospital as a nurse. And, unlike the "normal" population, I sacrifice sleep so that I can stay home and play with my kids after that joyful night at the hospital.

I love my "job" as a SAHM. I get to see every moment of our kids' development, get to volunteer when I can at the kids' schools, and I get to spend as much as their precious childhood with them. I would not have it any other way. I would be sad to have missed many of the "firsts" that I have been blessed to see while being at home with our 3 kids.

To clarify, I don't have to "go to work" but I do work. I do have a boss to report to. My kids and my husband are constantly telling me if what kind of a job I am doing. I am always trying to please them and do better to kiss up to my bosses so they pay me more (in kisses, of course). Unfortunately, I do sometimes have "unhappy customers." If you ever try calling me during the day, you may just hear one of those times when I have an unhappy one.

With all of that said, there is one thing that those naysayers have right. I am a stay at home mom and I do have a life of bliss.

Enjoying some cuddle time
Gods Blessings

Addi and Asher at the Park

Mommy's Girl

A big pretzel treat...Mmmm! I would (and could) never miss this!

Walking around Shadow Lake together

Making a bread store run (and they give free rolls to the kids!).

Alivia scooting away...

Weee...

Okay, I'll admit. Some days are just plain sh*tty. Need I say more?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Beating the Stereotype

I am a stay at home mommy (SAHM) of 3 kiddos. Yes, Alivia goes to school, so my role at home should be easier, right? I have been accused of many things, but today I was accused of not doing anything. Sorry, but I think someone may have hit a nerve, a big one. Unfortunately, I get accused of doing nothing a lot.

As a working person - I got paid, and paid quite well actually. Rarely did they thank me when I went above and beyond - so I got used to not being thanked or appreciated. I also had to wait a long time for doctors, who then told me they did not have time for me today. So again, I got used to being underappreciated. But, I could ignore it more because I got paid. Now I get paid in hugs and kisses, but not from those who call me lazy.

The SAHM stereotype is of some frumpy woman who has no interests other than her kids. I have interests other than our kids, thank you. I like to run and love, love, love home design and HGTV. But, I am not sitting around all day running and watching HGTV as some believe that I am doing. I run during naptime or at night, and I rarely turn on the TV during the day (unless it is Dora while I make lunch). Our kiddos are the priority. I am not frumpy, either, and try to work on maintaining my non frumpy status.

Those who think SAHMs have it easy, they clearly have not stayed at home. Our home does not have a self cleaning button, although I wish it did. When you are at home with 3 kids, the home seems to have a self dirty button that is stuck in the on position all the time. I am constantly following kiddos around cleaning up. We sing the clean up song 100 million times a day. Oh, and the laundry. That's right - SAHMs have a maid to do the laundry, right? Wrong again. My wash machine and dryer are stuck in motion. I am sure they are going to die soon out of sheer exhaustion. I buy almost all the gifts for people and wrap them. So, if you have said that I am lazy and do nothing - you will be gifted accordingly (My cousin Wade once wrapped up poo and gave it to my Dad as a joke. Humm...that's an idea. :) ). I strive really hard to have it all done and taken care of for Chris when he returns from work. Yeah know, laundry folded and put away, bed all make, house looking clean, Chris' slippers laid out for him in the laundry room, dinner in the oven, happy kids waiting with hugs. To get all of that done some days takes many miracles.

So, what do I do here all day, when we are actually here that is? Well, there is the laundry, the dusting, the vacuuming, the cooking, baking, the toy picking up and rearranging, the stocks to buy and trade and the money to manage. I am proud of the fact that although Chris and I do not make a wealthy man's amount of money, that we probably have more than the average wealthy man does in savings and invested and our only debt is of our home. We have no credit card debt - period. Why? Because I am not out spending what my husband earns all day. I pinch every penny, clip every coupon and catch every bargain I can. Then there are the books to read, the crafts to do, and the dolls to play with. There is hide and seek and playing kitty cat. There are the explanations as to why color can not be placed on the walls and poo all over the crib. Need I say more? 

That is another stereotype: SAHMs go out shopping all the time spending all of their husbands money. 1. If they do - I am not one of them, and 2. What money? We live on one income for crying out loud! I do upon occasion go to the Mall. But, let me tell you about my last 2 visits to the Mall. Last Tuesday Asher and I went to Oakview. I ran through the Gap Stores before going to the play space to play. I spent no money. Thursday Asher and I went to Westroads while waiting for Addison to get out of preschool. Again, we went to the playspace and to Von Maur so Asher could play on the trains. I spent $2.60 on cookies for the kids and for Chris. Boy, I think I may have broke the bank. The only thing we brought home from the Mall was a bad cold.

Obviously, I already broke the stereotype that we stay home all day. I take the kiddos all over the place: museums, libraries (love Saddlebrook and still drive over there every other week while Addison is in preschool), the zoo, etc. I also drive Addison 40 minutes to preschool 2 times a week. One would be hard pressed to find a lazy person to do that (or a sane one for that matter) because that is a lot of work and noise. Addison and Asher are so noisy that I rarely get home without a raging headache. But, I love the time I get with Asher while Addison is in school. And, I would have hated to disrupt Addison's first year of preschool. So, in the end, it is worth it - even for this lady who does nothing all day long.

On most days, I do love staying at home and would not trade it for the world. I get to enjoy every moment with our kids. I am very thankful that I am married to a man, a real man, that works hard to support his family and provides for us. There are not many real men out there anymore. With that said, my only break from being a mommy is the 2 times a year I get my hair cut and going to work on a psych ward a couple times a month. I'm sorry, those are not breaks! I would love to get a vacation where I can just sit around watching HGTV, scrapbooking, in a quiet environment. Maybe I would take a jog DURING THE DAY, go a store without anyone whining or without having to go in the middle of the night, or maybe, just maybe, I would treat myself to something. Maybe I will get to do that one day when my kids are 30. Until then...

...I better get back to doing absolutely nothing, right? Too bad nobody has volunteered lately to fill my shoes for a day. Nothing must be too much work. :)

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