It's NOT All About Me

There was this shirt that I saw the other day while shopping that said, "It's all about me!" I wanted to buy it to please the sarcastic side of me.

You see, as a mom and wife, really, it is never ever about me. Ever. Let's go back and see what it was like when it was about me.

First, I purchased all my clothes from high end stores, Harolds, Ann Taylor, White House Black Market (this is high end to me anyway). One work ensemble would cost more than I spend in 2 months on groceries now! Crazy now that I think about it. I carried high end purses (Kate Spade was my favorite), wore MAC make up, wore high end sunglasses, bought whatever I wanted really, had my hair highlighted and cut at a high end salon, traveled to Jamaica, Hawaii, California, etc. I hired an interior designer to help me design our previous home (why not, I stunk at it!). We saved nearly half of our income before kids, too. Chris and I did whatever we wanted. We were alone, in love and happy. But, I worked hard making a 6 figure income and did not have kids. Chris did got whatever he wanted to (motorcycle that I bought him for his 30th birthday, Audi TT, got his pilot's license, etc). I mean really, we did not need half of the stuff we had. It was, back then, about us. That is what "It's all about me" looked like...and really, it was about Chris and I.

Then we had kids and I changed...HUGE! MAC make up was exchanged for whatever was on sale at Target, I started to cut and highlight my hair once a year, purses were purchased rarely and from Target, Sunglasses were $10, I clipped coupons and price matched, and I almost completely stopped buying clothes so I could save very penny I made that did not go to daycare so I could quit my job. Chris turned in his sweet ride for a family friendly Toyota Camry (which we bought new with cash!). It was no longer about ME or Chris and I together...it was about US, our family.

I quit my job. Me was then gone. It was now all about US. It has been about us every since. That is my job as a wife and mother, I believe.

Chris and I rarely buy each other anything. We bought each other iPads for Christmas last year which was the first big thing we had really gotten for ourselves in a long time. We have free cell phones that are not even close to being smart (they are the top rated phone for tweens, though), clothes are from Kohls, Old Navy or Gap (although I have been splurging on Athleta recently and have been known to get clothe at Von Maur on sale), and entertainment is a play date with someone I like, too. We do not find this to be a sacrifice as it is what is best for our kids. We will hopefully have many years together where we can do more things with just the 2 of us. The kids will only like hanging out with us a few more years. We have to appreciate the time we have with them while they are young, as it goes by SO STINKING FAST! For now, we are happy watching a movie at home with microwave popcorn after the kids go to bed for date nights. I actually LOVE doing this! See...I'm a changed woman.

Our decisions are always made in the best interest of the kids and our family. If someone or something (like many extra curricular events at night, too many play dates, etc) comes between our family with their unkind actions or words or time wasted, we avoid them. Period. The family unit and it staying intact is too important to me to jeopardize for things or to make other people happy. Again, it is about US, not about ME. But, if it were just about me, I'm thinking my decision would be similar. Before kids, I would not have cared as much about some things that I care about now, as my kids are effected by others' actions now, too, not just me. My kids do not have any cousins or at least any relationship with any cousins. Some would say that is my fault, but I, of course, disagree. But, I am okay with that. We have friends come to birthdays and to play with the kids instead to make up for the loss of extended family. We are surrounding ourselves with positive energy, people who want to be around us and vice versa. Life is too short and our time with our kids being young is too precious to waste.

Next year things will probably change some as I plan on returning to work on some level. With that said, we have learned a lot having me at home. Some things we will never go back to. When I return to work, the number one goal will be to pay off our home, save for college funds and retirement.

No matter where life takes us, however, it will always be about us.

Beating the Stereotype

I am a stay at home mommy (SAHM) of 3 kiddos. Yes, Alivia goes to school, so my role at home should be easier, right? I have been accused of many things, but today I was accused of not doing anything. Sorry, but I think someone may have hit a nerve, a big one. Unfortunately, I get accused of doing nothing a lot.

As a working person - I got paid, and paid quite well actually. Rarely did they thank me when I went above and beyond - so I got used to not being thanked or appreciated. I also had to wait a long time for doctors, who then told me they did not have time for me today. So again, I got used to being underappreciated. But, I could ignore it more because I got paid. Now I get paid in hugs and kisses, but not from those who call me lazy.

The SAHM stereotype is of some frumpy woman who has no interests other than her kids. I have interests other than our kids, thank you. I like to run and love, love, love home design and HGTV. But, I am not sitting around all day running and watching HGTV as some believe that I am doing. I run during naptime or at night, and I rarely turn on the TV during the day (unless it is Dora while I make lunch). Our kiddos are the priority. I am not frumpy, either, and try to work on maintaining my non frumpy status.

Those who think SAHMs have it easy, they clearly have not stayed at home. Our home does not have a self cleaning button, although I wish it did. When you are at home with 3 kids, the home seems to have a self dirty button that is stuck in the on position all the time. I am constantly following kiddos around cleaning up. We sing the clean up song 100 million times a day. Oh, and the laundry. That's right - SAHMs have a maid to do the laundry, right? Wrong again. My wash machine and dryer are stuck in motion. I am sure they are going to die soon out of sheer exhaustion. I buy almost all the gifts for people and wrap them. So, if you have said that I am lazy and do nothing - you will be gifted accordingly (My cousin Wade once wrapped up poo and gave it to my Dad as a joke. Humm...that's an idea. :) ). I strive really hard to have it all done and taken care of for Chris when he returns from work. Yeah know, laundry folded and put away, bed all make, house looking clean, Chris' slippers laid out for him in the laundry room, dinner in the oven, happy kids waiting with hugs. To get all of that done some days takes many miracles.

So, what do I do here all day, when we are actually here that is? Well, there is the laundry, the dusting, the vacuuming, the cooking, baking, the toy picking up and rearranging, the stocks to buy and trade and the money to manage. I am proud of the fact that although Chris and I do not make a wealthy man's amount of money, that we probably have more than the average wealthy man does in savings and invested and our only debt is of our home. We have no credit card debt - period. Why? Because I am not out spending what my husband earns all day. I pinch every penny, clip every coupon and catch every bargain I can. Then there are the books to read, the crafts to do, and the dolls to play with. There is hide and seek and playing kitty cat. There are the explanations as to why color can not be placed on the walls and poo all over the crib. Need I say more? 

That is another stereotype: SAHMs go out shopping all the time spending all of their husbands money. 1. If they do - I am not one of them, and 2. What money? We live on one income for crying out loud! I do upon occasion go to the Mall. But, let me tell you about my last 2 visits to the Mall. Last Tuesday Asher and I went to Oakview. I ran through the Gap Stores before going to the play space to play. I spent no money. Thursday Asher and I went to Westroads while waiting for Addison to get out of preschool. Again, we went to the playspace and to Von Maur so Asher could play on the trains. I spent $2.60 on cookies for the kids and for Chris. Boy, I think I may have broke the bank. The only thing we brought home from the Mall was a bad cold.

Obviously, I already broke the stereotype that we stay home all day. I take the kiddos all over the place: museums, libraries (love Saddlebrook and still drive over there every other week while Addison is in preschool), the zoo, etc. I also drive Addison 40 minutes to preschool 2 times a week. One would be hard pressed to find a lazy person to do that (or a sane one for that matter) because that is a lot of work and noise. Addison and Asher are so noisy that I rarely get home without a raging headache. But, I love the time I get with Asher while Addison is in school. And, I would have hated to disrupt Addison's first year of preschool. So, in the end, it is worth it - even for this lady who does nothing all day long.

On most days, I do love staying at home and would not trade it for the world. I get to enjoy every moment with our kids. I am very thankful that I am married to a man, a real man, that works hard to support his family and provides for us. There are not many real men out there anymore. With that said, my only break from being a mommy is the 2 times a year I get my hair cut and going to work on a psych ward a couple times a month. I'm sorry, those are not breaks! I would love to get a vacation where I can just sit around watching HGTV, scrapbooking, in a quiet environment. Maybe I would take a jog DURING THE DAY, go a store without anyone whining or without having to go in the middle of the night, or maybe, just maybe, I would treat myself to something. Maybe I will get to do that one day when my kids are 30. Until then...

...I better get back to doing absolutely nothing, right? Too bad nobody has volunteered lately to fill my shoes for a day. Nothing must be too much work. :)

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